I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
