I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Randomize
