He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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