I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Found the puke drawer
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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