There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think I sprained my soul last night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
