Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
