but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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