I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
