standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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