It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
