I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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