he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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