Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
