did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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