Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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