we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
