Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
