Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
