i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
