Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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