we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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