Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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