Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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