Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
