Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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