I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
