The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
