don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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