1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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