Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
