Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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