I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
