i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize