Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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