If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize