Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i dont even know how to be here
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize