end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
