My first STD was from a foam party
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
