its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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