so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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