I accidentally had phone sex last night
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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