new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize