I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Where is the hickey?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
