you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
