Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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