I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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