thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
