If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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