I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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