what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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