my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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