WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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