ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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