Your face is a jimmy john
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
