Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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