Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
