This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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