My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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