One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
