Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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