she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
