are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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