the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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