His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
