Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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