somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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